If you read my last post, then you know I had a big decision to make, and I had made it. I was settled in it, and my mind and heart were at peace. Well on Monday 9.29.25, I received an email from my surgeon. “Congratulations! Your surgery has been booked for _____.” Th whole reason I had decided against surgery was because they couldn’t get it scheduled for this year. My reasoning was simple. I had hit my out-of-pocket maximum, and it would have been 3500$ cheaper. And, honestly, Egg came to me, and honestly told me what was on her mind. She didn’t want to sink us that much into debt. What I was considering was already enough, since I left my job in May, and have not worked since. Egg has been picking up the slack, being the major earner (she has always been the major earner and has always managed the bills/paying of things, so on and so forth.) She said she did not want the debt and she really had her heart on a trip we have been planning to Scotland England Wales and Ireland in 2028. The money in the interim would more-than=likely go towards paying the loan, and she would rather not have to pay that. She did mention that if it could have been done in 2025, she would not be opposed to me having surgery. It was a matter of time and extra money, not that she didn’t want me to get the surgery. Once again, she is allowing me to be a little selfish, and fuck, I feel bad. But I will get over it, no doubt, and quicker than I should.
I was sitting in the waiting room at my voice therapist’s office. It was small, and kind of cramped. As people would come in or out, the double doors would swing open in dramatic flair, then slowly close. I was checking my emails, when I see the name of my surgeons office flash across the screen. Thinking nothing of it, I opened it, and almost dropped my phone! I almost screamed out loud! I DID scream internally. I, shaking, immediately called Egg, who was waiting in the parking lot. I was like, as calm as possible, I have to tell you something, and I cannot react. Surgeon has sent an email. I am sending it to you. Read it now. I am being called back. My therapist did indeed come out very shortly thereafter, and brought me back to his office. He could see that I was out of sorts ( he is extremely kind and something of an empath. Also, I was visibly shaking.) I told him that my surgery date for FFS had just been confirmed and it would be done before the end of 2025. He, of course, was ecstatic for me, and I love him for that. We had our therapy lesson, and I hastily said my goodbyes, and beat a path straight to Egg waiting in the car.
The first thing Egg said was, “Holy Shirtballs”!!!! Yes, you read that right. shirtballs. Egg is a grade A cusser lol, and it is one of the many quirks I love about her. We both sat there for a moment, silence heavy in the air. Finally, I asked her what she thought, and I was prepared for her to say something to the effect of we had made up our mind and now this. But she didn’t. Not at all. As a matter of fact, she was extremely positive and said it would be time, again, to put on her Nurse Egg hat, and that we both needed to get ready.
The ups and downs of life, the tragedies and the comedies, all interwoven, make life worth living, and I am happy that I made it thusfar to see what I have become. No, I am not working, nor do I have, and never had, a high power job. But the person I have become, and am becoming - the trans femme nonbinary woman who is continuing to blossom, instead of want to not be in this lifetime, is honestly exciting. The world may be burning down around us, but I am going out as me, and I am taking the final steps to match me in my mind to me physically.
